Volunteering with your kids, the right way

The definition of "volunteer" is one who offers himself for a service of his own free will. As I raise my two teenagers, I find that definition appears faulty. Everywhere we turn, it seems as if my children are "required" to do volunteer work...for school, for clubs, for college applications. Don't get me wrong, I think helping your fellow man is one of the most noble things I could teach my children. I just take offense that it's required.

When they were little, I read them the picture book, Miss Rumphius, by Barbara Cooney,which has become sort of a mission statement for our family. It's about a little girl who tells her grandfather, "When I grow up, I too will go to faraway places, and when I grow old, I too will live beside the sea." The grandfather replies, "That is all very well, little Alice, but there is a third thing you must do. You must do something to make the world more beautiful."

Throughout their childhood, I have repeated that last line many times, encouraging them to find their own way to make the world more beautiful. Sometimes though, I found my girls were missing the point. It became more about "finishing the job" rather than understanding the importance and value in helping. I wanted to take matters into my own hands, without excluding them from reaching their "requirements".

First, I sat down with my girls and asked them what they were passionate about. What bothered them about this world? What do they wish they could fix? From there, we narrowed down populations or areas we could help out. Finally, how can we help? This part was tricky, because you have to understand your own children and know their comfort level. Find out what kinds of "work" makes them feel good, and not feel uncomfortable. Everyone is different and forcing someone into a situation they don't "feel right" with won't work.

So, here are some ideas that have helped us...and more importantly, helped "make the world more beautiful."

A piano recital fund raiser: You know the drill, your kids take lessons, and friends and relatives are always asking them to play something. We decided to turn that into a BBQ fundraiser one summer. The girls picked a charity they each wanted to donate to, and then set to work creating a list of songs they would feel comfortable playing. They created their own pamphlet to hand out to guests as they arrived. To avoid any confusion, and to make sure people understood what we were doing, the invitation stated it was a fundraiser party and gave a short summary of the two charities the girls would be donating all money to. Really, it was an everyday summer barbecue, complete with food, swimming, and games. After an hour or two, guests gathered around the piano for our "recital." Each girl played for about 10 minutes, while guests came up and put money in their "tip jar". It was fun for all, and the girls were so excited at the end of the party to see how much they would be sending to their charity!

Cookie sale: This one was fun and easy. After Hurricane Katrina,and again after the Tsunami in Japan, the girls wanted to send money, so we figured out a way to add more to the allowance money they were willing to give up. We sent out flyers to all of our neighbors, telling them we were baking homemade chocolate chip cookies the following day. We would sell them for $10 a bag, and all money would be donated to the Red Cross. We left our phone numbers, text, and email so they could "place their order". Not only did we raise $500, but my neighbors have since asked when we are having our next "fundraiser".

Cleaning the park: Have a favorite park you visit often? Carry a few disposable grocery bags in your car and spend the first 5 minutes when you arrive picking up some trash in the park. The reward goes both ways...the kids can enjoy their playtime in a clean environment, and so can others who come after them!

The bottom line is this...volunteering should come from the heart, not from the list of requirements.